Plis Deh Jakarta!

Smoked Out

 

from The Jakarta Post

What a city! Now, not only that you can get arrested by dressing a bit sexy, you can even get arrested by smoking! The government did a much-applauded - by the anti-tobacco lobby, at least - sweeping of certain public areas and buildings and arrested 20 people. Yeah, action taken 2 years late, since the bylaw was passed in 2006.

Porn might or might not be good for you, but smoking is definitely bad for you. But cigarette sales is good for the economy - maybe we can get people to start a new pastime; keep buying cigarettes but don’t smoke them?

Hati-hati Ketinggalan Berita

Cuma di Jakarta.

Kalau sering melihat berita di internet melalui portal-portal berita yang standar, pasti akan melihat 2 berita yang lumayan sering diulang-ulang hampir setiap hari soal Jakarta:

• hati-hati, ada demo
• hati-hati, akan hujan

Berita ini jauuuuh lebih penting untuk orang Jakarta ketimbang berita politik, sosial, keuangan, bisnis, apalagi ilmu pengetahuan. Mungkin karena, apapun yang akan terjadi di dunia politik, sosial de el el, nggak akan mempengaruhi kemacetan! Cuma demo dan hujan yang bisa memperparah. Dan nggak ada yang bisa mengurangi….

And They Only Thought Of This Now?

The Jakartan government is bringing in heavy dredging equipment from the Netherlands to help dig up all the soil, silt and trash clogging up Jakarta’s waterways. Oh, let me correct that - it is only for two, small, shallow waterways in North Jakarta. Local workmen will be trained by the Dutch on how to operate the machines while the tender order for new equipment is scheduled to be finished in January.

I quote:

However, we must start dredging before the rainy season. We shipped one machine to see if it fit in the waterways and to make some adjustment. So that when the equipment arrives, we can operate them straight away.

Hm, before the rainy season? Maybe City Hall hasn’t been hit by the almost daily rainstorms yet, and thus informing the Dutch team that it isn’t the rainy season yet. And perhaps they could have done this, say, in July? Not much of a pilot project. There’s the Indonesian term, pahlawan kesiangan - overdue hero.

Well at least there’s a neighborhood cleaning program to clear up the smaller waterways from all its muck. Yes, great timing, as well - something we all could have done with up to 10 years ago without any Dutch.

They’re Not The Only Monsters We Have Here

Recently Jakartans - most notably, internet-connected Jakartans - have been spreading around news about this video about some strange ‘monster’ living on the beaches of Ancol, to the point the video made it to actual TV.

Telematics pseudoexpert and media darling Roy Suryo, according to Indo-Trans, said on a television interview that according to the “metadata” attached, the video was not recorded in Indonesia. I’ll leave others to speculate what metadata he’s talking about. It got to the point where the makers of the video provided pictures of the location and stated “THIS IS NOT A HOAX” on the Youtube page and their blog.

Some say that this ‘monster’ is actually some sort of creature that usually eats plankton and algae, but perhaps was mutated by all the toxic waste in Ancol Bay. That wouldn’t be much of a surprise.

Little monsters eating corpses and carcasses - a strange analogy for one side of Jakarta?

For Dummy People

West Languange, Too

The Show Must Be A Bomb

Rihanna, notably one of the world’s most popular artists, cancelled her show in Jakarta at the last minute, to the dismay of fans and the show promoter who was this close to having a sold out show, and the new telco operator wanting to grab more subscribers.

The official line was the cancellation was due to the travel warning issued by the US government, most notably because of the recent string of bomb threats in Jakarta.

I wonder, if there are bomb threats to the numerous upcoming political rallies next year for political party campaigns, would they cancel that as well?

Then there was talk, if the show did go on as planned, would it be protested or attacked by would-be ‘upholders’ of the porn bill, claiming that Rihanna is enciting lust in the audience?

I’m guessing that there will be less concerts and more bulls**t next year.

I Don’t See This As A Successful Enterprise

Next week, the government and several NGOs will start raiding offices, malls and other public places for smokers. This is a renewed enforcement of the bylaw passed that prohibits smoking in designated public places.

Hey, they’re going to smoke out the smokers!

I Guess It’s Not The Only Thing They Should Worry About

Due to broken street lights, residents of Cilincing, North Jakarta worry about the rising risk of accidents, crime and prostitution.

The district head says he has not received reports of these broken lights, but will report it to the related agency.

I wonder, what else goes unreported? Hm.

Karaoke Is Certainly Evil

Inul Daratista, of hip-gyrating fame, has been receiving threatening text messages and also has been reported to the police due to claims of unauthorized duplicating of copyrighted songs for her karaoke chain, Inul Vista.

Yes. The karaoke chain, and thus the owner, is much more a criminal than the CD/DVD pirates. Yes. Even though Inul claims to have paid royalties to the Indonesian Copyrights Commitee, whatever that is.

The charge has been retracted by Deddy Dores, of dark-sunglasses, lagu cengeng fame as being ‘wrongly addressed’. Seriously, if you want to sue someone, get the address right! And… how come the other karaoke companies aren’t being sued? Hm.

Jakarta Asbakku

Kamis lalu, ada sebuah SPBU di Jakarta Utara yang hampir terbakar karena sebuah puntung rokok yang dibuang sembarangan.

Coba kita baca lagi kalimat tadi. …. Karena sebuah puntung rokok yang dibuang sembarangan.

Pinter ya…

Satu Bunyi, Beragam Arti

Suara klakson di Jakarta, walaupun hanya berbunyi “bip bip!” punya arti macem-macem, tergantung siapa yang menyampaikan dan siapa yang mendengarkan (dan belum tentu sinkron). Berdasarkan frekuensi, tingkat kekerasan, dan lokasi, suara klakson dapat berarti:

• woy!
• WOOOY!
• minggir dong!
• ayo, mau naik bis/mikrolet saya nggak?
• halo! mau ke mana?
• bukain pintu garasi dong!
• AWAS!
• ke sini dulu dong bentar.
• Mas, standarnya mas.
• Mobil sialan!
• Motor sialan!
• Bis sialan! Jangan ngetem melulu!
• Mobil minggir dong, mau nurunin penumpang nih!
• Woy, jangan motong jalan gitu dong!
• Selamat pagi… gak usah bayar parkir ya.
• Pak, bukain portalnya dong.
• Cepetan bayar bensinnya!
• Ojek, mbak?
• Ayo, waktunya berangkaaat.
• Woy, mau nyalip nih.
• WOY MAU NYALIP NIH!!!
• hei anak kecil/kucing/anjing jangan nyebrang sembarangan gitu dong…
• Gue BENCI kemacetan
• Sateeeeee…..

Tastes Good, No Matter How Bad The Spelling Is

Even Though He Doesn’t Endorse You… Whoever You Are

Submitted by Zsachaz. Thanks Cha!

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