Plis Deh Jakarta!

There have been complaints from residents who felt their activities have been disrupted by the activty, so Jakarta’s environmental agency has cut the so-called ‘car free day’, which originally starts at 6 AM to 2 PM, 2 hours short to end at 12 PM.

Some people apparently do not get the point.

Activists have pointed out, yet again, that from mismanagement of traffic and public transport, Jakarta will be in a total gridlock by 2014. This would be caused by a mix of new vehicle sales, bad traffic management and chaotic public transport services. Thus, creating the world’s biggest parking lot, bar none (except if the world really does end in 2012 like the Mayans say).

Somebody needs to do something about this. For all the buzz in the news, the MRT project will remain for me a figment of the imagination until I see it running before my eyes, as I have been traumatized by the failure of the monorail project. The only way that Jakarta can get its citizens to abandon daily use of private vehicles is to have the vision of creating a public transport network that is efficient, far-reaching (right into the congested suburbs and satellite towns), secure (from pickpockets, at least), safe and reliable. None of the above can be said about any mode of public transport right now. Proof? From various areas in Jakarta, it actually takes longer to travel from one point to another by public transport than it does with a private vehicle. Considering Jakartan’s obsession with speed, no wonder they prefer their souped-up motorcycles.

A gigolo gets caught red-handed when the ‘girl’ he offered his services through the internet turned out to be a man from the cybercrimes unit. Maybe he should have stuck to cybersex.

The city will start to implement a policy where on-street parking will get 1 day free parking with 5 days paid parking with official parking tickets. No use if the parking attendents don’t bother to give out the tickets anyway.

Unsuprisingly, even public servants pointedly ignore anti-smoking laws, even in public buildings. The ‘just one more cig’ excuse really goes a long way, I guess.

50 city officials could be facing charges for taking a collective holiday to Turkey after umroh, because they were supposed to monitor the ballot count in their respective areas. I won’t even comment on how expensive that trip was, personal money or not.

And damn, that was a really bad storm today.

Tangerang has agreed to allocate land for construction of a garbage processing site for Jakarta’s trash. So Tangerang will turn away couples looking for a place to have premarital sex and even women walking alone at night, but will accept trash.

The Tangerang authorities really know how to make their city comfortable, don’t they?

The governer, in an applausable move, has rejected the lowering of automotive taxes proposed by the Finance Industry and Jakarta Revenue Agency. Why yes, it will remain a very big burden to motor vehicle owners, but see what happens when the tax is lowered:

• lower taxes means more people will buy cars or motorcycles.
• more cars and motorcycles equals worse traffic jams!
• more traffic jams actually hurt the economy more than it will impact the supposed revenue that comes from the increase of peope buying cars or motorcycles.

Note that the taxes have not been raised either. So Bang Foke has basically stated that “this is my call, not yours” to those agencies, and further pointing out that if we want to have a stimulus package for the industry, it shouldn’t be by cutting revenue here and there – it should be one that actually creates jobs.

Let me take that point a bit further – reviving the economy doesn’t mean selling more cars *winking at Gaikindo*, but it means making sure the people have enough money to spend. And for that to happen, it shouldn’t be just considering one industry out of the thousands available in Jakarta.

Maybe Gaikindo can take a hint from the telco operators, where they are actually decreasing their prices, but making money elsewhere from the same subscribers.

Somehow, the sudden disappearance of ‘blue pill’ (read: Viagra) stalls along Jl. Gajahmada is linked to the presence of Hillary Clinton in Jakarta today. Well, she does have a dinner appointment at Gedung Arsip Nasional on the same road, but I’m not sure why that would be a reason for the disappearance.

Hm, what could be the reason? A sudden halt in supply, or a sudden halt in demand?

29,000 policemen are assigned to guard around 1,000 church locations, in fear of attacks.

Some voices in the Islamic community are urging their fellow Muslims to not say “Merry Christmas” to Christians, because it would mean that they believe in Christmas and Jesus Christ too. Ironically, there are no religious edicts banning Muslims from congratulating Buddhists or Hindus on their religious celebrations, or Easter for that matter.

Some of those on holiday and not celebrating Christmas decide to… go to the zoo.

Pacific Place mall has scheduled fake snowfall every day, together with Christmas caroling.

Malls outdo themselves with Christmas decorations and programs.

Jakarta streets are relatively empty, because today is also the 1st day of a  5-day long weekend.

However bad or good, absurd or funny Christmas can be in Jakarta, we at Plis Deh Jakarta hope those of you celebrating have a Merry Christmas!

Jakarta, Jakarta.
The ultimate metropolis of Indonesia, whether we like it or not. Compared up there with various international cities like London, New York City, Paris, Milan, and so on, if only so much as on a shopping bag of certain fashion boutiques; usually to convince people that the brand is actually international, not made in some housing complex in Tangerang.

So how does Jakarta measure up to London, one of the oldest cities in the world?

• Congestion: Jakarta, check. London, check.
• Popular landmarks: London has the Tower Bridge, Westminster Abbey and Big Ben, to name a few classic landmarks. Jakarta has Monas, Bunderan HI and… hey, does anybody actually know these landmarks outside of Indonesia?
• Diversity: since London has been around longer, there are a multitude of peoples from all over the world. Jakarta wins here – it’s the melting pot of hundreds of ethnicities from all over Indonesia, and more, since there are a lot of foreigners as well. But imagine a melting pot – really messy.
• Taxis: London is famous for its black taxicabs. Jakarta is famous for its rip-off taxicabs. Seriously.
• Petty crime: Hm. I think it’s about the same level at both places.
• Food: Oh come on! Jakarta wins. Really. Want to prove me otherwise? Take me to London and take me on a culinary tour.
• Living costs: Well if you love living expensively, live in London. You can live in Jakarta with various budgets, from the pauper’s allowance to the rich second wife’s binge. Hell, you can eat a really good meal for 1 quid in Jakarta. What does that get you in London?
• Public transport: Oh, London’s the winner on this one. The simple fact of the Underground makes this a no contest. Jakarta has fleets of CO-spewing buses, beat-up mikrolets, and the motorcycle taxis that seem to be more omnipresent than the police.
• Airports: Heathrow airport is a bane for Londoners – but I think they’ll quiet up when they meet Bandara Soekarno-Hatta. Let’s not even mention the smaller airports dotted around the Greater London area, that actually work. Have you even seen the airstrip at Pondok Cabe? Kemayoran is now a big road.
• Nightlife: depends on your taste. Hm. Pub crawl or all-night dangdut?
• Hygiene: Hm… do we really need to delve into this one?
• Public toilets: Hey, Jakarta wins this one, seriously! We charge our citizens to use the public toilets. Imagine the revenue streams from that one.
• Politics: like nightlife, depends on your taste. Multicolor acronym varieties or the Labours and the Tories yet again?
• Weather: constant heat or constant drizzle? Well at least London doesn’t have seasonal floods… well, not that I know of.
• General friendliness and hospitality: ooh, can’t say much on this item.

So, any other points of comparison I should cover, you think?

478 years ago, some people thought it would be a good idea to formalize the existing mish-mash of buildings, market stalls and harbor into something named Sunda Kelapa. During the years the name would change to Batavia, then Djakarta (and dropping the ‘D’ after a fix on the phonetic and writing system for Bahasa Indonesia).

Yes, this website is all about the quirky side of Jakarta (including ourselves, as the authors), but we love this city anyway – we’re loving relatives who bitch a lot, as opposed to the snobbish outsider. Just to prove the fact, we don’t do general comparisons with other cities (although we might do at some point, as long as it’s really funny – don’t depend on us on being consistent, haha) …

Jakarta’s congestion is legendary, even outside Indonesia, also its high-density population. Jakarta is also the focal point of anything that happens in Indonesia – proof to fact; even the poor guys who got flooded by toxic mud by Lapindo in far-away Sidoarjo protested to Jakarta, and also the poor guys who got fired from PT Dirgantara Indonesia in far-away Bandung.

Jakarta is also a symbol of hope for some people – and utter disappointment for others; somehow both appropriately symbolized in the Monas (the National Monument).

So Jakarta, you’re a pain in the ass but I guess we wouldn’t have it any other way

picture courtesy www.duelliscool.net